Jessica and her son John, Tulsa, Okla.:

In late Oct. 2021, Tulsa Police responded to a call from a mother who believed that her 10-year-old child had taken his own life.

“First responders arrived at the location, where the mother was performing CPR, and rushed the child to the hospital,” said Richard Mulenburg of the Tulsa Police Department. “Unfortunately, the child did not pull through and was pronounced dead at the hospital.”

Jessica Sebastian is the mother of John Decou, who was a 10-year-old boy with special needs.

“The only way I can really describe John is light in my heart,” shared Sebastian.

Jessica said that John was a “protector, super hero status.” She said people would see the joy in his eyes and smile, drawing in everyone that knew him. He loved Savage Beef Jerky and trips to QuikTrip.

“He once had his bike stolen, but said, ‘It’s, okay. Maybe he had to go far to get home,’” shared John’s mother.

John was proud of the goals he met. He was good at numbers and wanted to be an accountant, according to his mom.

“After a phone [conversation] he had to say, ‘You can hang up now.’ If you hung up without permission, he was calling you back [to say], ‘Why did you hang up on me?’,” explained Sebastian.

John had reportedly never been officially diagnosed with Autism Spectrum Disorder or ASD, but he had been placed in special education classes at a school in Connecticut.

“In special needs class, he was always helping other children,” said Sebastian.

Jessica Sebastian and her son, John had just moved to Tulsa at the beginning of the Fall 2021 school year.

When she showed up at the local enrollment center she requested an IEP, an Individualized Education Program. Sebastian said she was told that John would be put in regular education.

Sebastian said that her son was struggling with being bullied. She claims that she repeatedly requested an IEP from the school district and that she was never given one.

Sebastian said nothing seemed of the ordinary on that fateful night. After dinner, John blew his mom a kiss and went into the bathroom to clean, one of his chores.

Little did Sebastian know, John had taken a dog leash in with him.

Sometime later, Sebastian found her son. He had hung himself from the bathroom door handle with the leash.

“This is a horribly tragic event and completely devastating for the family and first responders,” expressed Mulenburg of TPD.

Sebastian has been struggling to live in the same home where her child took his life. She hopes to be able to move into a new place soon, where she and her family can continue to heal.

John would have turned 11, on Jan. 19.

Kevin Foley is a Behavioral Health Therapist with Crossroads Counseling in Tulsa.

Foley also spent three years at a pediatric therapy agency specializing in children with autism.

“Children on the autism spectrum, with developmental disorders, and/or mental health struggles often have more difficulty navigating strong emotions, managing stress and anxiety, and expressing feelings effectively. In addition, it is not uncommon for those children to act impulsively, this combination can be quite dangerous, if not fatal,” said Foley.

Foley said there certainly appears to be anecdotal evidence to support an increase in youth suicides and attempted suicides since the pandemic began.

“Sadly, autism or not, it is not uncommon for families to not have any idea how serious the child is experiencing these feelings. Sometimes the act is impulsive and there are not many indications it is coming,” said Foley.

Brittany and her daughter Izzy, Salt Lake City:

“She always told me that I am beautiful. Making me feel good by telling me I am the best mommy in the whole wide world,” shared Brittany Tichenor-Cox.

Tichenor-Cox lives in Salt Lake City, Utah and was the mother of 10-year-old Izzy, who had a disability and who took her life early in Nov. 2021.

“It’s tragic to me because people would judge her based off of her disability. This happened a lot at her school. They did not base her off of who she is, was, [as] a person,” said Tichenor-Cox.

Tichenor-Cox said that her daughter used to have trouble handling her emotions. However, she herself was able to control them by the time she entered into the 5th grade.

“This is huge! She was able to give herself the tools she needed to self soothe when she became over stimulated. I am so very proud of her for this,” expressed Tichenor-Cox.

Izzy’s mother believes that bullying at school was a huge factor in what led her daughter to end her life.

“One major struggle was the bullying she encountered. Obviously, because people did not understand her, I tried to instill in her the best values about her self-worth and who she was. It was heartbreaking for me to put her out there, in the world, in school, and see her struggle with the kids who were mean to her and with her teacher who I feel did not give Izzy the support that she needed and deserved,” said Tichenor-Cox.

Tichenor-Cox thinks that communities and schools need teachers who are trained on how to deal with children on the spectrum.

“Our teachers need more education on how to accept and teach children with special needs who are mainstreamed into their classrooms,” said Tichenor-Cox.

Tyler Aryes is Tichenor-Cox’s attorney and he states that the education system can acknowledge a duty to protect all children. He believes that the schools should be aware when children are isolated and left out and they have an obligation to provide consistent and equal protection and opportunities.

Tichenor-Cox is hoping for more awareness moving forward.

“It’s not the child who needs to change, it’s us. We need to speak up about it, have uncomfortable conversations, and promote education,” said Tichenor-Cox.

Jessica Dyer is the founder of Tulsa clinic, Bright Future Pediatrics.

“In order to accept a child with autism, you first have to understand them,” said Dyer.

Dyer is known as an autism advocate. She believes parents raising special needs kids need to empower themselves.

“It is difficult to be a parent with a child who has a disability or autism. The demands and impact of the family is great,” said Dyer. “We still have a lot to do in Oklahoma and Tulsa area to help support children and families. An exhausted and overwhelmed caregiver can magnify the risk of a child with special demands and needs.”

She strongly encourages families to find a general practitioner or a pediatric doctor and have their child fully evaluated. In order for your child to receive services they need to have a full and official diagnosis from a medical doctor for any special need or disability, Dryer informs.

“If parents aren’t happy or comfortable with your present doctor, they can always go find another one who they feel listens to them and their concerns for their child,” said Dyer.

CM and son, Jacksonville, N.C.:

CM’s 11-year-old son has been diagnosed with ADHD and ASD.

CM says that her son has attempted suicide at least ten times.

“He has tried to stab himself more than once. Tried to drown himself. People do not believe that an 11-year-old is capable of thinking their life is not worth living or that they could hurt someone else, until it is too late,” said CM.

CM lives in the Jacksonville, NC. area, with her husband and their blended family.

“Everyday’s a battle from the minute he wakes up until when he falls asleep. He has hurt other family members and hurt himself. Honestly, most days I can not breathe. When we sleep I am scared he will wake up and hurt someone or himself,” shared CM.

CM says on a typical day he will hit, kick, bite, spit, and head butt. He self harms by banging his head off the walls and scratching himself.

“I am not a “bad parent.” I have five other very successful children who do not act how he does and definitely do not have the problems he has. I do love him. I do not love his actions. I fight every day for help for him but I can not get any help,” said CM.

CM’s son only attends school and remains at home. They are unable to bring him to grocery stores or restaurants due to his unpredictable violent behavior. Her family is struggling to find resources in their area that can help her son and her family.

“We have been told that he would actually have to hurt someone or himself before it is taken seriously and that I need to report every incident to law enforcement. He has hurt us. He has hurt me in front of medical professionals who the next day will tell us we have to come pick him up. No one takes this seriously at all,” stated CM

Her son has been hospitalized at least 25 times in his life and has spent eight months in a psychiatric residential facility, according to CM.

When his violence is at its worst, the family takes him to the hospital, where the staff will usually hold him for 72 hours.

“The longest he has been held for recently, was five weeks and he was so drugged up when he came home that he could not stay awake for longer than three hours. That is not a solution,” said CM.

At the hospital he reportedly gets shots everyday to help him remain calm or anytime he gets out of control, according to CM.

“He is assaulting other patients and did so everyday in the week before they said they could no longer keep him. It was not because he was doing better, it was because the hospital was told by his insurance company that they were not able to hold him any longer,” said CM.

CM’s family has even tried to get her son into a residential facility in their state.

“A targeted case management and intensive in-home team could not get him a placement even though I would estimate they contacted at least 100 facilities across NC. All said no,” said CM.

She was told that these facilities could not help her son for the following reasons: his IQ was too low, he was too aggressive, and he did not know the difference between, “yes and no.”

“These places are meant to help people with mental illness and dual diagnosis however they refused. Each and every one of them refused to help my son,” said CM.

According to CM, 911 has been called on numerous occasions because he was breaking down doors, putting holes in walls, wielding a knife, threatening to kill others and hurting himself or wanting to commit suicide.

CM said that on one of those calls, the paramedics finally got him into the back of the ambulance and were about to transport him when a “supervisor” contacted them and told them that he was not to be transported and then gave me a 30-minute lecture on misuse of a 911 call.

“This was after [my son] threatened to kill me. This is no life for him or no life for us,” expressed CM.

All CM wants is for members of the community to believe her family. She said she hopes her son will get the help he needs before he hurts himself or someone else so badly that there is no coming back from it.

“Families need respite. He needs a therapist who is not scared to work with him. People who are willing to stay in his life,” said CM.

CM desperately wants to find a therapist who knows how to actually treat her son, and get to the root of the problem. She wants her son to go to a school that would be equipped for dealing with him and his meltdowns.

“I do know that there are 100′s of other families living the same way we do. Held hostage in our own home and I know that they can not get help either and they are from different states,” expressed CM. “I am a member of many [online] groups and there are other parents who experience what we do and they are not believed either. This is a country wide issue.”

A Tulsa mother of a 10-year-old boy loses her son to suicide

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