TULSA — According to a recent poll published in USA Today, 88% of respondents admitted arguing with family members during the holidays.

In a related statistic, 85% admitted making excuses - even lying - to avoid family gatherings.

[Hear the KRMG In-Depth Report on keeping the peace around the holiday table HERE]

Leigh Richardson, founder of the Brain Performance Center in Dallas, tells KRMG that for some families, the holiday fighting is a tradition - but it certainly doesn’t have to be.

According to the poll, the top argument starters are family issues, politics, and money.

Those are topics that might best be left for another time, she counsels.

She says it’s important to intentionally set a goal of having a peaceful holiday, and becoming the ambassador for peace if necessary.

“Be an advocate for a Happy Thanksgiving. If you see that conversation starting to rise, change it,” she advises. “Say ‘you know what? I have something I’d like to talk about, can we talk about this?’ and be the one that steps up and just kind of shifts the focus of the conversation, and most times people will follow that shift.”

One topic she suggests might generate more positive interactions is the holiday itself.

“Instead of, you know, talking about the negative - what’s the best memory you have of Thanksgiving? What’s the best dish I’ve ever cooked, as the hostess. Or what’s the worst dish I’ve ever cooked? You can talk about that, too.”

Establishing a few ground rules - like not raising voices, or interrupting others - can help keep things calm.

If a couple family members decide to get into it anyway, she advises that you stay calm, and see if you can separate the combatants from the rest of the group.

“I’ve had families say ‘you know what? I know you two are really enjoying that conversation. The rest of us aren’t, could you take it outside?’”

Finally, she recommends focusing on the meaning of the holiday.

“We are so blessed in America to have the type of Thanksgiving Day dinners we have. When I think about that, it just... it makes me really want to focus on the amazing meal,” she told KRMG. “Stay present in the moment, and be grateful for what you have.”